Picking up the ball

It feels like every day that passes is a bit of a failure this week. My indulgent eating habits have been harder to crack then I thought, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I'm completely unorganised with food after being away in the weekend.
I'm used to having a freezer full of food to depend on, however I haven't had a chance to do a big cook up for quite a few weeks and my supplies are gone.
Life s busy.. I'm in the process of trying to secure a new job, my mums doing well but I'm still concerned, my friends are constant feature and I spend a lot of time outside of work catching up with them.
I'm frustrated because it feels like when I last lost weight and did really well to get my life back on track, things were very very different. I was settled, in a relationship, work was more low key and my social occasions were infrequent and not a distraction. It's more of a challenge this time. More self control is needed.

I love my life an awful lot, and I'm torn because I know I need to really invest more time in my overall health and shed the weight I've gained or things are really only going to get worse. I just feel incredibly out of control at the moment. A lot of things in my life are up in the air, and the fact that I'm not fuelling myself correctly really isn't helping.

Anyway. Vent over. I just have to trust that with a little planning over the weekend I'll be back on track and kicking goals.

Bad News and Unexpected Chaos

So I've had a pretty rough couple of days. I found out yesterday that my Mum's been diagnosed with bowel cancer. She moved up to QLD in July last year and has really had a bad run for a few months, and it's all come to this diagnosis. I think we're all in shock. When I spoke to her on the phone last night, she seemed reasonably calm, but these things take time to truly sink in and I know we have a battle ahead of us.
Tonight I'll be driving up to QLD with my Mums best friend to spend Easter with her. It's going to be a long drive but I know it'll be worth it to see her again.

I don't have alot of time to plan food so I'll just have to roll with the punches so to speak, and try and make the best decisions as I can. But honestly, food feels like the least of my worries at the moment.

xo

Challenges

Yesterday turned out to be a bit of a tough day.
For starters, I've had 90c in my bank account since Saturday due to a plethora of bills, poor planning and my birthday party. This has meant that I've been living on leftover soup, generous meals from friends and eggs since last week. I haven't been able to buy any fresh produce and am craving my usual 3 servings of greens like crazy! The good news is, today is pay day, so I'll be able to get back on track tonight and do a big shop.
In addition to my financial woes, I heard some dire news last night about my Mums health. There needs to be further tests etc. this week. But things seem to be coming to a head a bit and I know the next few weeks are only going to get harder to deal with. My Mum lives up in QLD, so if her health deterioates I'm really unsure about what may happen. But I'm trying not to jump the gun and take things as they come.

In regards to my food, a few sugary treats snuck in, and I definitely over did the pasta for dinner because I was so ravenous by the time I got to eating.

What I Ate:

Breakfast- Two egss wrapped in two pieces of mountain bread with hot sauce.
Snack 1- 1/2 cup greek yoghurt & a banana
Lunch- Vegetable & Barley Soup with 4 rice cakes
Snack 2- 1/2 cup cottage cheese with tuna on 4 vita wheats
Snack 3- 2 Rice cakes with peanut butter and berries
Dinner- Veggie bolognese w fettucnini (too much fettucini)
The bad-Small handful of lollies, chocolate biscuit and maltesar bunny.

My aim for today is to avoid those sugar tid bits and do a big grocery shop. I'm going out with a friend for dinner to my favourite Mexican place, but I won't be drinking and will be avoiding my usual go to dishes like fried potatoes.. quesedillas. I also missed training today due to sleeping in, but with the upcoming four day weekend, I'm sure I'll be able to make up for it.

I'm back!

I've decided to start blogging again to keep myself accountable and back on track with my general health and fitness.
Long story short.. Since I last blogged, I've gained roughly 10 kgs and have seriously slackened with my fitness. My eating is indulgent to say the least, but I have managed to cut down on the amount of alcohol I've been consuming. I've attached my soon to be before photo ( or at least I think I have, I'm writing this on my phone) in the hope that taking progress shots will keep me on track and striving.
At the end of the day, I'm a very confident person, but I hate the ickiness and general unwellness that comes with being overweight and not in control of my eating. I suppose my aim with this blog is to keep track of my food, exercise and general well being.

Goals:
-Commit to 3 weights training sessions per week, and 2 boot camps. Boot camp is a mix of resistance, body weight exercises and boxing.. It's where I do all of my cardio, basically
-Lose the 10kgs I've gained over the next 3 months. Lose 2 dress sizes and regain my shape.

I'll post proper measurements etc over the next few days.

Looking forward to getting back on track, and feeling like the young fit 20 something I was 8 months ago.
Xoxo

To love..

I adore The Biggest Loser. It inspires me, makes me cry, makes me smile and reminds me of the power we each hold to change and shape our lives as we please. Yet, I struggle with the premise and the strong theme this season of being unable to fall in love if you’re obese. It's true; obesity is a horrible, taxing struggle on both the body and mind, and the contestants on this show are riddled with numerous health issues and perils. My heart breaks for these people... the disturbing revelations of complete lack of self confidence, the vulnerability... and the idea of hating yourself so deeply? Terrifying. 

But respect and love for ones self should be promoted as paramount in any journey of self-improvement. To hate yourself, or too feel shame or humiliation will only cause more pain and anguish. That is what builds walls against love… the inability to accept the core of who you are. Obesity is often a symptom of some serious hate and destruction.

Nourish and nurture yourself. Punishment and internal suffering will only ever lead to a cycle of regret and heartbreak.

Treat yourself kindly; believe that you are worth loving and capable of loving. Fulfilment in life comes from respect for ones body, mind and soul. The rest will follow.

2 0 1 1

2011 was a big year. The biggest year, dare I say.

It was the year I found my strength. It was a year defined by triumph, hard decisions, a slither of peril and ultimately, love.

As proud as I am of my physical transformation this year (I’m currently 24kgs lighter then I was this time last year, say whaaaaat?), I can’t help but feel that my changes to my “inner self” were far more exciting than the shrinking of my butt.

I found myself this year. Defined myself. Grew. I’ve always been confident, I’ve always been assured and independent and I suppose, happy. But I’ve never had direction. I’ve never known what I truly wanted from life. I feel now as though I was a drifter, waiting for fate or the hands of god to drop a destiny in my lap and push me on my merry way. Alas, finding truth and meaning in life takes slightly more effort than that.

2011 was the year I woke up from the lethargic yuckiness that was my life. I was unfit, ate what I wanted and took a lot of comfort in carbs and alcohol. I ignored the future, I buried my feelings. I don’t know who I was.

At some point there was an awakening- a realisation of how the gradual changes to my lifestyle had peeled away those layers of discomfort and sadness and revealed a new Erin.

Being active, being healthy and being happy are my new necessities. I feel like I’ve learnt so much this year about health, wellbeing and how to truly love and appreciate my body. I’ve learnt that knowledge is power, so often people have no idea what they’re eating. I believe that food awareness is paramount to good health and it’s incredibly satisfying to nurture your body properly. My body is not a trash can- it’s a machine that will run like a dream if I fuel it well.

On top of all of that, I’ve met some incredible, fabulous, amazing, beautiful people this year- you inspire me every single day to push myself that little extra, go further, train harder and become a better person. I sincerely hope you know who you are, but lets just say I love my #twitterfamily, and I’m proud of each and every one of you. Too one person in particular, with whom I am especially smitten with-  I love you more than a few words on a blog could ever fully express and you are beyond wonderful.

My new interest in health and nutrition will lead to new and exciting endeavours in 2012- I’m planning to commence an Advanced Diploma of Nutritional Medicine in March, as well as starting the 12WBT Lean and Strong program this round. All of that will definitely bring some new challenges and hurdles and excitement.

"I am the master of my fate;

   I am the captain of my soul."

-William Ernest Henley-

Bye Bye Sugar!

Yesterday I took the first deep plunge into a sugar (fructose) free lifestyle, and gees louise, I’m pretty excited about it.

I started looking into a sugar free lifestyle about a month or two ago when someone linked me some information about David Gillepsies Sweet Poison books, which I subsequently purchased in quick succession. I was intrigued and the more I read the more everything made sense to me- my constant feeling of being out of control with food, fluctuating weight and my intense energy dips that usually occur after lunch or so- all of it could be explained my the amount of sugar in my diet, what was (is) essentially an addiction.

The more I learnt about the effects of fructose (loss of appetite control, weight gain, type 2 diabetes, POCS, heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, gout, depression and anxiety, dementia, fatty liver disease, kidney disease and tooth decay- to name just a few gems attributed to fructose consumption) and the history behind the low fat diet, the clearer it became that my nutrition required an intense overhaul. I needed to cut fructose, cut the low fat, overly processed foods and start eating a cleaner, more savoury diet.

Since February of this year, I've lost roughly 20kgs through a calorie controlled eating program.

I'm very much an advocate for the program (as readers of this blog would surely be aware), however as my weight plateaued around 4 months ago, I can now attribute this to an increase in sugar and reliance on sugar kicks in my diet (my own doing, the program is very much balanced and low in sugar). 

At one point, I was eating almost 7 servings of fruit per day. Fruit before a workout, fruit with breakfast and then morning tea, apples after lunch, a pear when I got home before dinner and then inevitably strawberries or baked apple after dinner. I relied constantly on fruit to give me energy at work and keep me kicking into the evening. I also added honey to most of these snacks for a little extra sweetness- because of course, honey is the healthy substitute for sugar (wrong- honey is 40% Fructose). Throw in a few teaspoons of sugar in my multiple cups of tea, a few bits of dark chocolate, and my sugar consumptions would have been through the roof- well and truly over the recommended 6 teaspoons per day. 

I felt completely out of control and was probably in denial- as I tried to cut down on my fruit consumption (it was clearly way too much), I found my cravings for the more sinister forms of sugar intensified- I plowed through lollies and the like from the communal office sugar jar, would often end up picking up chocolate after work and would even buy 1 or 2 chocolate bars at the petrol station, telling myself I'd save them before scoffing them on the way home. My excess fruit intake had driven my sugar dependency through the roof- I’ve always considered myself a savoury girl (hot chips and potato chips were my original vices) and I can honestly say I've never been this reliant on sweet things in my entire life. 

Admitting you have an addiction is difficult- especially when the substance you’re addicted too is so prevalent and accepted in our society. Especially a society that promotes everything in “moderation”, which I’m beginning to think may not be the right way about it- sugar is highly addictive, a few slips here and there can cause you to spiral out of control, even when you’re just eating “good” sugars. Equally hard, yet important, is not allowing yourself to believe that you’re being deprived of anything. If anything, I’m bestowing myself with a healthy, lethargy-free, enriched lifestyle. I’ve also taken to thinking of sugar as “Slow Killing Arsenic”, whenever I’m tempted to sneak a taste.

The past few weeks I've been spending a lot of free time reading about sugar. Sarah Wilson’s eBook release last week was the clincher- the very next day I started cutting sugar out of my diet. 

I went cold turkey yesterday, after a few days of cutting out refined sugars gradually. I've stopped eating fruits for a few weeks to completely purge my system before reintroducing them (though in very small amounts). 

Today was day 2, first day back at work after the long weekend and it was hard! I was fine up until lunch, and then my daily cravings kicked in. I feel fidgety, nauseous and like my stomachs in knots. It’s as though I’m full and ravenous at the same time, which is a bizarre and a very uncomfortable feeling. 

My best piece of advice so far would be to do your research. I’ve been inadvertently preparing myself for this for weeks now. I fully understand what fructose can do to me, and I definitely know the alternatives if I don’t curb my habits now. I’ve prepared multiple lists of fructose free snacks and know many alternatives to tweak meals that would otherwise require sugar laden ingredients. I've designed kicking sugar to work for me. I know cold turkey is the best approach for me.

I’m not freaking out, and I’m trying not to make a big deal about it (although this blog might be a bit indulgent), I’m just quietly and calmly cutting out sugar.

For the most part, I’m very excited to defeat my addiction and to start reaping the benefits- I've never met sugar-free Erin before. I hope she's nice.

When it stops being about weight loss..

Hello lovelies-

So I've been on this weight loss journey for quite some time now, and its definitely had its fair share of highs and lows. Over the past few weeks, in preparation for this round, I've been thinking about what this journey means for me in the long run.
I've never felt that 12WBT was a diet, for me its definitely been a new way of life. But the benefits of eating well and exercising consistently lead to much more then weight loss- something I've only recently realised. Since losing weight, my heads clearer, I'm more confident and focused and more willing to try new things. I smile more- I still have bad days, but I manage find the time to appreciate how beautiful my life is. I love change, I love meeting new people and learning about them, whereas before I think I was much more closed and perhaps a little cynical 
I wanted to share this quote that I found recently that really resonated with me:

"Eat a clean diet because of the wonderful benefits that the food has to offer. Train with weights to shape your body and add sexy, feminine, curves as well as keep you strong, keep your metabolism high, and keep your bones strong as you age. Do your cardio to keep your heart and lungs healthy. Be healthy, be fit, train hard, and be the beautiful you! Stay in balance. Enjoy life, make the body that God has blessed you with its absolute best, laugh often and love hard. And just know, if you have the head games of “am I too big?” “Now am I too small?” “Can I eat this?” “What about that?”…. Change your thinking, break that stronghold, and know…. we’ve all been there!"
-Amanda Latona
http://www.muscleandfitnesshers.com/blogs/amand...
(Its a great article about head games, read it!)

I am so excited for this round... Because I feel like it's finally clicked with me that this lifestyle is completely sustainable, that anything is possible and the with time and balance, all things shall come to fruition!
xx

12WBT Rd 3 Pre Season Task 2. No More Excuses.

Excuses are something I got really, really good at during round 2. In fact, I think I have more excuses now then I did back in round 1 pre season. Ha!
Luckily I'm savvy enough to know when I'm bullshitting myself. I would think that the below acknowledgment of this bullshit will help me keep accountable to myself and also you, dear reader.

Internal Excuses

"But I need something sweet or I won't feel satisfied." (In reference to wanting dessert)
Have a herbal or peppermint tea, brush your teeth and drink icy water. If you're stomachs satisfied, tell your mouth to be quiet and carry on. No more snacking on fruit unless there's calories to spare.


"I feel faint/dizzy/starving, I need food NOW" (Afternoon energy crash)
Plan snack timing more effectively. Have some nuts, a piece of fruit, tuna or some ryvitas. Do not wait until after work to sneakily purchase chocolate or starchy breads. They'll only make things worse. And stay away from that stupid lolly jar.


"Oh, but I need some carbs" (In reference to the biscuit tin)
If thats the case, have a ryvita or a piece of rye toast. Do not give in to sugary starchy carbs like biscuits. They will not satiate- empty calories. Plus 6 biscuits spread out over the day still count as 6 biscuits. Stop being a goose.


"... but it's so yummy!" (In reference to dining out)
You know what else is yummy? A 6 pack and a cute toosh. Keep portions small if having a splurge and savour bites. Don't finish the plate. Stay away from rice, pasta and cheese. Don't go out starving and keep a clear head. Just because everyone else is gorging themselves, doesn't mean you're obliged to.


"I want it." (Shitty food in general)
Think about what you want more, a few moments of oral satisfaction, or a body that works properly and isn't reliant on sugar and fat to feel good? Break the cycle of wanting and having. Control yourself. It may be hard at first and you may get cranky, but it will be worth it once you're in control again.


"Can't I just lift heavy things instead of getting sweaty and gross in cycle?" (In reference to preferring pump class to spin class)
No. Whats the point of building all of that fabulous muscle if you don't burn the fat off thats currently covering it all up? Cardio works and you know it, and you even love it afterwards. Get in there and burn, baby burn. Get sweaty, who cares about greasy hair and pink cheeks.


"I havn't had enough sleep" (In reference to being a lazy bum)
Hate to break it to you, but that extra hour of sleep without exercise often leaves you feeling worse then less sleep with exercise. And you know it. No one's asking you to do extra if you're not up to it, but at least get the basics right. Get your butt out of bed, have a protein shake if necessary and get moving. Also, go to bed earlier, ninny.


External Excuses

"Works too busy to take a long lunch break for the gym"
... But what you really mean is "I hate getting home late so I'm just going to do everything in my power to leave work early". Bull. Make a sacrifice. You're in control.

"Can't eat properly tonight because I'm seeing such-and-such/ I have such-and-such to go to"

Where there's a will there's a way. Plan ahead, offer to cook. Pack extra snacks that could count as a meal. Learn to say no when things are practically thrust into your mouth. No one controls what and when you eat but you.

As you can tell, I'm a classic self-saboteur. Or shall I say I was. I no longer accept the above behaviour as my norm. No more biscuits and no more sneaky sugar. Shazam!

“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them…Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.”
- Alex Karras

Pushing through.

Today I weighed in, only to find that I’ve gained 1.5kgs since last Wednesday. Hows that for a kick up the ass?

The cause of my plateau is a mixture of complacency, laziness and dining out too often. I am a huuuuuge lover of food. Especially food made by someone else with greater culinary skills then myself. Anyway- recently, I’ve spent a lot of time socialising, a few birthdays, a few catch ups with old friends and just generally indulging more then usual and sadly, it’s really taking its toll. I’ve been hovering around the same weight for about 6 weeks, up and down within a few 100 grms, but this week my body retaliated and stacked it on. On top of that, a mixture of boredom and hunger at work has seen me reaching for the wrong foods- biscuits (last Friday I consumed 8 of the communal biscuits over the course of the day, yes, 8), chocolate, co-workers junk food etc. Its been disastrous- my self control seems to be have been slipping slowly and its finally becoming noticeable. So its time to cut the crap, and pull everything back in to line. 

And good lord, it’s hard! My heavy handed portions have re-stretched my stomach a little, so I’m back to getting hunger pains even after something that previously left me satisfied. I’m snacking too often (I should be having 300 cals worth of snacks per day- today I almost have 500cals worth). I know I’ll get past this point- my discipline for the past 4-5 months has been impeccable (excluding the past few weeks). If I keep it up, I know I’ll be at my goal weight well before Christmas. I currently have (as of today) 14.8 kgs to lose. My trainings fantastic- burning a butt load with all my extra sessions, unfortunately its a bit all for nothing with an imperfect diet.

I’ve been getting a lot of “You’re being to hard on yourself!!” from various people lately- but really, I don’t think thats true. Right now I’m at the exact spot where I slipped a few years ago and reversed all of my hard work. I’m so determined not to let that happen again that I need to analyse myself and figure out why here- again.  I want to go further with this then I’d ever initially thought I would. I’m setting big goals for myself- and I intend to achieve them, damnit!

New Kicks.

How could I not gloat about these ;)

Training Plan-Week 10

Hardcore? Yes. Ambitious? Yes. Awesome? Yes.

Monday

• 6.20am Amelia Burton Treadmill Workout 
• 7am RPM class
• Lunchtime Yoga class

Tuesday

• 6.20am Amelia Burton Treadmill Workout
• 7am Les Mills Body Pump class (45mins)
• Lunchtime Cycle class

Wednesday

• 6.20am Amelia Burton Treadmill Workout
• 7am Boxing class OR RPM class
• Lunchtime Les Mills Body Pump class (45 mins)

Thursday

• 6.20am Amelia Burton Treadmill Workout
• 7am Les Mills Body Pump class (45mins)
• Lunchtime Boxing class

Friday

• Sleep in!
• Lunchtime Kickboxing

Saturday

• Rest!

Sunday Smash Session

• 9.15am High Performance Cycle
• 10.30am Full Body Pump class
• 
  

The treadmill workouts I've slotted in this week to a. prepare me to not kill myself on the City to Surf and b. Shake up routine.

I don't run because I've never liked it. I love the idea of it, but that love has never translated well from theory to practise. I know that can change- and I'm ready to make it happen.

Catch up

Hello neglected blog. Have you missed me pretties?
Well I'm still here, and for the most part kicking ass. I've plateued weight loss wise (I've hovered around 77-78kgs for 6 weeks now)- a lot of it comes down to what I'm putting in my mouth and a lack of rest. 
The two are linked of course- Erin doesn't sleep enough, Erin gets tired, Erin reaches for lollies/coffee/biscuits to keep energy levels peaked at work. It's an odd cycle to pick up, because even when I was obese, I never had a sugar habit persay. My vices were always fried and carbalicious- chocolate was never my thing. It's also definitely because I'm expending more energy now. For the past few weeks I've been pulling double sessions at the gym on work days- to deal with stress mainly, and to also shake up my routine a little. This means early mornings, long lunches plus staying back at work too make up hours because of my long lunches (worth it). This would be fine- however combine this with an influx of late nights due to catching up with old friends, new friends and just generally being a procrastinating douche bag- I end up running on 5-6 hours worth of (disrupted) sleep per night.
Plus I've been eating out a lot- and have been failing to say no to dessert and other delicious tidbits. My tastebuds are loving it- my butt, not so much.
So my focus for whats rest of this round (and dear god, where have the past 3 months gone??) is balance.
Yes, I still intend to go hard in my training (I'll post the weeks plan), but also intend to fuel things properly with enough sleep and good nutrition. I need to re-discipline myself in so many areas, but I know that it's possible. I managed it last round with fantastic results, I've just got to get my mental mojo back.
Bam!

My life seems so much busier then last round. Sorry for the lack of blogs! I promise I'll write something of worth soon x x

I've been trying to write a blog for 2 days straight now. Haha. I'm terrible.

-Round 2 basics-

Goals

1 Months-Lose 5kgs. Be able to run at least 1 km without stopping. Increase time on fitness test. Increase upper body weights in pump class.

3 Months- Be down to 70kgs (lose approximatley 15kgs). Be able to run 5ks. Be able to compete in City to Surf.

6 Months- Be down to a healthy weight of 65kgs. Compete in a half marathon. Begin lean and strong program.

12 Months- Maintain healthy weight. Continue working on toning and building strength, as well as running.

Commitment (or re-commitment)

"My commitment is too finish what I've started. To eat clean, train hard and think well- all with integrity and gusto. I will give myself what I deserve- a healthy life and a happy mind!"

-Day One-

Well today actually went really well! I've been feeling super frazzled with everything since before Melbourne trip, so I was anxious to get started today and have the stability of the program back in my life. I ate super clean- All Bran for breakfast with some fruit, Tuna and crackers for a snack,a fabulous Roast Beef wrap for lunch (rice cakes make me gag ;) and a beautiful salmon stirfry for tea. I did not put my toe out of line once! There shall be no complacency this round- every calorie counts!

I also managed to smash out a Cycle class, sans HRM, with a few blisters and a big case of the CBFs. But as always, JFDI won and I had a great workout- fantastic end to the day. 

I'm really excited for tomorrow- early morning Body Pump and then a boxing class with my manager at lunch, who's also joined 12WBT. It is going to be fab- boxing is one of my favourite things (someone remind me of this when I feel like I'm about to die at about 12pm tomorrow).
I have a ridiculously huge gym bag tomorrow as well to fit in the boxing gloves.. I will definitely be leaving them under my desk in future.

Anyway.. NIGHT!

Round 1 Wrap Up

Well thats Round 1 all done! I can't believe its gone by so quickly, and I'm really proud of my results.

Melbourne was a blast- the workout was a fantastic mud fest, I burnt just over 900 calories. It has reminded me that I really need to work on running though.. in the bootcamp part I had a double stitch just from running.. god it killed! Going to try and set myself clearer fitness goals this round, especially as I'm planning to run the City to Surf in August.

The party was great, but packed. I had hoped to catch up or bond with some 12WBTers who I'd been talking to on the forums, but it was literally impossible with how tightly packed the venue was. Mum and I managed to make our way downstairs (snuck down, past the grumpy seccies) and got a good spot for the awards/speeches. 

Mum and I at the party.

My outfit for the party :)

Very excited for round 2! I'll update a post with my goals once I figure them out.

Much love x

Just a quick note I'm noting on here so I'm accountable.
I want to be down to 80 kgs by kick off of round 2 (May 23, 18 days away). There I said it. Now it IS going to happen ;)

My new goal- Becoming a morning person.

So, slight confession time. I skipped spin class yesterday.. I made myself justify it with old, petty excuses. Like.. I was exhausted, hungry, I could go home and do a dvd instead (I didn't.. Haha). I bargained with myself (not new behavior) and even made a few co workers agree with me that I was too tired for a spin class. I am a dilllllllll! I knew exactly what I was doing! I posed my justification too my lazy coworkers because I knew they'd help me sabotage myself! Had I instead jumped on the forums and asked for advice, without a doubt I would have ended up in spin last night.
This kind of bargaining behavior has become to common over the past couple of weeks. My results on the scales havnt been fantastic, and I know exactly why.. I've skipped too many gym sessions, indulged into many poor foods and basically have been setting myself up for failure with my terrible sleeping patterns. I'm not being consistent.
Too combat this I've decided I need to regulate other areas of my life too better support consistency when it comes to my fitness and eating.
So, everyday I'm going to have my alarm set for 5.30am and either jump on a train to the gym or do a workout dvd in the loungeroom. I still want to make spin classes after work, but this removes the pressure from the situation and I'll be able to go for enjoyment. I think I cave quite easily when I put pressure on myself- about week 8 or 9 when I told myself I wanted to lose up to 18-20 kgs for the round I started faltering with inconsistent training sessions and too much food.
It's a weird mental barrier that I need to work out, I truly believe.that this program is the perfect place for me to be to sort ky shit out, basically. I'm over playing mind games writhing myself.
I will do this and I will reach my goal weight! Soon!

Progress

Seeing as Week 10 was such a write off I took a progress photo and I've decided its time to reflect a little and make sure I SMAAASH week 11! No more of this feeling sorry for myself. Psh.
Stats:
Kick off weight: 101.3kgs Current weight: 85.8kgs Total loss: 15.5kgs
Kick off BMI: 33.5 Current BMI: 28.83 Total loss: 4.67 points
Embarrassing undie pics:

I look at this ALOT because I still can't get over how different I look, let alone feel. I never realised just how fat I used to look. I had always convinced myself that I hid my weight well.. that I had a big butt but maybe my face and arms were ok. Wrong wrong wrong. I was obese! I'm now overweight and still have another 20 kgs to let go of, but I'm so proud of how far I've come. It feels different this time- my heads clears, I'm determined and I'm consistent. 

Cannot wait to buy a dress for Finale party and see what size I can squeeze into!

Equally excited for round 2 and helping my Mum learn the lessons I've learnt. Bring it.