Picking up the ball

It feels like every day that passes is a bit of a failure this week. My indulgent eating habits have been harder to crack then I thought, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I'm completely unorganised with food after being away in the weekend.
I'm used to having a freezer full of food to depend on, however I haven't had a chance to do a big cook up for quite a few weeks and my supplies are gone.
Life s busy.. I'm in the process of trying to secure a new job, my mums doing well but I'm still concerned, my friends are constant feature and I spend a lot of time outside of work catching up with them.
I'm frustrated because it feels like when I last lost weight and did really well to get my life back on track, things were very very different. I was settled, in a relationship, work was more low key and my social occasions were infrequent and not a distraction. It's more of a challenge this time. More self control is needed.

I love my life an awful lot, and I'm torn because I know I need to really invest more time in my overall health and shed the weight I've gained or things are really only going to get worse. I just feel incredibly out of control at the moment. A lot of things in my life are up in the air, and the fact that I'm not fuelling myself correctly really isn't helping.

Anyway. Vent over. I just have to trust that with a little planning over the weekend I'll be back on track and kicking goals.

Bad News and Unexpected Chaos

So I've had a pretty rough couple of days. I found out yesterday that my Mum's been diagnosed with bowel cancer. She moved up to QLD in July last year and has really had a bad run for a few months, and it's all come to this diagnosis. I think we're all in shock. When I spoke to her on the phone last night, she seemed reasonably calm, but these things take time to truly sink in and I know we have a battle ahead of us.
Tonight I'll be driving up to QLD with my Mums best friend to spend Easter with her. It's going to be a long drive but I know it'll be worth it to see her again.

I don't have alot of time to plan food so I'll just have to roll with the punches so to speak, and try and make the best decisions as I can. But honestly, food feels like the least of my worries at the moment.

xo

Challenges

Yesterday turned out to be a bit of a tough day.
For starters, I've had 90c in my bank account since Saturday due to a plethora of bills, poor planning and my birthday party. This has meant that I've been living on leftover soup, generous meals from friends and eggs since last week. I haven't been able to buy any fresh produce and am craving my usual 3 servings of greens like crazy! The good news is, today is pay day, so I'll be able to get back on track tonight and do a big shop.
In addition to my financial woes, I heard some dire news last night about my Mums health. There needs to be further tests etc. this week. But things seem to be coming to a head a bit and I know the next few weeks are only going to get harder to deal with. My Mum lives up in QLD, so if her health deterioates I'm really unsure about what may happen. But I'm trying not to jump the gun and take things as they come.

In regards to my food, a few sugary treats snuck in, and I definitely over did the pasta for dinner because I was so ravenous by the time I got to eating.

What I Ate:

Breakfast- Two egss wrapped in two pieces of mountain bread with hot sauce.
Snack 1- 1/2 cup greek yoghurt & a banana
Lunch- Vegetable & Barley Soup with 4 rice cakes
Snack 2- 1/2 cup cottage cheese with tuna on 4 vita wheats
Snack 3- 2 Rice cakes with peanut butter and berries
Dinner- Veggie bolognese w fettucnini (too much fettucini)
The bad-Small handful of lollies, chocolate biscuit and maltesar bunny.

My aim for today is to avoid those sugar tid bits and do a big grocery shop. I'm going out with a friend for dinner to my favourite Mexican place, but I won't be drinking and will be avoiding my usual go to dishes like fried potatoes.. quesedillas. I also missed training today due to sleeping in, but with the upcoming four day weekend, I'm sure I'll be able to make up for it.

I'm back!

I've decided to start blogging again to keep myself accountable and back on track with my general health and fitness.
Long story short.. Since I last blogged, I've gained roughly 10 kgs and have seriously slackened with my fitness. My eating is indulgent to say the least, but I have managed to cut down on the amount of alcohol I've been consuming. I've attached my soon to be before photo ( or at least I think I have, I'm writing this on my phone) in the hope that taking progress shots will keep me on track and striving.
At the end of the day, I'm a very confident person, but I hate the ickiness and general unwellness that comes with being overweight and not in control of my eating. I suppose my aim with this blog is to keep track of my food, exercise and general well being.

Goals:
-Commit to 3 weights training sessions per week, and 2 boot camps. Boot camp is a mix of resistance, body weight exercises and boxing.. It's where I do all of my cardio, basically
-Lose the 10kgs I've gained over the next 3 months. Lose 2 dress sizes and regain my shape.

I'll post proper measurements etc over the next few days.

Looking forward to getting back on track, and feeling like the young fit 20 something I was 8 months ago.
Xoxo

To love..

I adore The Biggest Loser. It inspires me, makes me cry, makes me smile and reminds me of the power we each hold to change and shape our lives as we please. Yet, I struggle with the premise and the strong theme this season of being unable to fall in love if you’re obese. It's true; obesity is a horrible, taxing struggle on both the body and mind, and the contestants on this show are riddled with numerous health issues and perils. My heart breaks for these people... the disturbing revelations of complete lack of self confidence, the vulnerability... and the idea of hating yourself so deeply? Terrifying. 

But respect and love for ones self should be promoted as paramount in any journey of self-improvement. To hate yourself, or too feel shame or humiliation will only cause more pain and anguish. That is what builds walls against love… the inability to accept the core of who you are. Obesity is often a symptom of some serious hate and destruction.

Nourish and nurture yourself. Punishment and internal suffering will only ever lead to a cycle of regret and heartbreak.

Treat yourself kindly; believe that you are worth loving and capable of loving. Fulfilment in life comes from respect for ones body, mind and soul. The rest will follow.

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2011 was a big year. The biggest year, dare I say.

It was the year I found my strength. It was a year defined by triumph, hard decisions, a slither of peril and ultimately, love.

As proud as I am of my physical transformation this year (I’m currently 24kgs lighter then I was this time last year, say whaaaaat?), I can’t help but feel that my changes to my “inner self” were far more exciting than the shrinking of my butt.

I found myself this year. Defined myself. Grew. I’ve always been confident, I’ve always been assured and independent and I suppose, happy. But I’ve never had direction. I’ve never known what I truly wanted from life. I feel now as though I was a drifter, waiting for fate or the hands of god to drop a destiny in my lap and push me on my merry way. Alas, finding truth and meaning in life takes slightly more effort than that.

2011 was the year I woke up from the lethargic yuckiness that was my life. I was unfit, ate what I wanted and took a lot of comfort in carbs and alcohol. I ignored the future, I buried my feelings. I don’t know who I was.

At some point there was an awakening- a realisation of how the gradual changes to my lifestyle had peeled away those layers of discomfort and sadness and revealed a new Erin.

Being active, being healthy and being happy are my new necessities. I feel like I’ve learnt so much this year about health, wellbeing and how to truly love and appreciate my body. I’ve learnt that knowledge is power, so often people have no idea what they’re eating. I believe that food awareness is paramount to good health and it’s incredibly satisfying to nurture your body properly. My body is not a trash can- it’s a machine that will run like a dream if I fuel it well.

On top of all of that, I’ve met some incredible, fabulous, amazing, beautiful people this year- you inspire me every single day to push myself that little extra, go further, train harder and become a better person. I sincerely hope you know who you are, but lets just say I love my #twitterfamily, and I’m proud of each and every one of you. Too one person in particular, with whom I am especially smitten with-  I love you more than a few words on a blog could ever fully express and you are beyond wonderful.

My new interest in health and nutrition will lead to new and exciting endeavours in 2012- I’m planning to commence an Advanced Diploma of Nutritional Medicine in March, as well as starting the 12WBT Lean and Strong program this round. All of that will definitely bring some new challenges and hurdles and excitement.

"I am the master of my fate;

   I am the captain of my soul."

-William Ernest Henley-

Bye Bye Sugar!

Yesterday I took the first deep plunge into a sugar (fructose) free lifestyle, and gees louise, I’m pretty excited about it.

I started looking into a sugar free lifestyle about a month or two ago when someone linked me some information about David Gillepsies Sweet Poison books, which I subsequently purchased in quick succession. I was intrigued and the more I read the more everything made sense to me- my constant feeling of being out of control with food, fluctuating weight and my intense energy dips that usually occur after lunch or so- all of it could be explained my the amount of sugar in my diet, what was (is) essentially an addiction.

The more I learnt about the effects of fructose (loss of appetite control, weight gain, type 2 diabetes, POCS, heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, gout, depression and anxiety, dementia, fatty liver disease, kidney disease and tooth decay- to name just a few gems attributed to fructose consumption) and the history behind the low fat diet, the clearer it became that my nutrition required an intense overhaul. I needed to cut fructose, cut the low fat, overly processed foods and start eating a cleaner, more savoury diet.

Since February of this year, I've lost roughly 20kgs through a calorie controlled eating program.

I'm very much an advocate for the program (as readers of this blog would surely be aware), however as my weight plateaued around 4 months ago, I can now attribute this to an increase in sugar and reliance on sugar kicks in my diet (my own doing, the program is very much balanced and low in sugar). 

At one point, I was eating almost 7 servings of fruit per day. Fruit before a workout, fruit with breakfast and then morning tea, apples after lunch, a pear when I got home before dinner and then inevitably strawberries or baked apple after dinner. I relied constantly on fruit to give me energy at work and keep me kicking into the evening. I also added honey to most of these snacks for a little extra sweetness- because of course, honey is the healthy substitute for sugar (wrong- honey is 40% Fructose). Throw in a few teaspoons of sugar in my multiple cups of tea, a few bits of dark chocolate, and my sugar consumptions would have been through the roof- well and truly over the recommended 6 teaspoons per day. 

I felt completely out of control and was probably in denial- as I tried to cut down on my fruit consumption (it was clearly way too much), I found my cravings for the more sinister forms of sugar intensified- I plowed through lollies and the like from the communal office sugar jar, would often end up picking up chocolate after work and would even buy 1 or 2 chocolate bars at the petrol station, telling myself I'd save them before scoffing them on the way home. My excess fruit intake had driven my sugar dependency through the roof- I’ve always considered myself a savoury girl (hot chips and potato chips were my original vices) and I can honestly say I've never been this reliant on sweet things in my entire life. 

Admitting you have an addiction is difficult- especially when the substance you’re addicted too is so prevalent and accepted in our society. Especially a society that promotes everything in “moderation”, which I’m beginning to think may not be the right way about it- sugar is highly addictive, a few slips here and there can cause you to spiral out of control, even when you’re just eating “good” sugars. Equally hard, yet important, is not allowing yourself to believe that you’re being deprived of anything. If anything, I’m bestowing myself with a healthy, lethargy-free, enriched lifestyle. I’ve also taken to thinking of sugar as “Slow Killing Arsenic”, whenever I’m tempted to sneak a taste.

The past few weeks I've been spending a lot of free time reading about sugar. Sarah Wilson’s eBook release last week was the clincher- the very next day I started cutting sugar out of my diet. 

I went cold turkey yesterday, after a few days of cutting out refined sugars gradually. I've stopped eating fruits for a few weeks to completely purge my system before reintroducing them (though in very small amounts). 

Today was day 2, first day back at work after the long weekend and it was hard! I was fine up until lunch, and then my daily cravings kicked in. I feel fidgety, nauseous and like my stomachs in knots. It’s as though I’m full and ravenous at the same time, which is a bizarre and a very uncomfortable feeling. 

My best piece of advice so far would be to do your research. I’ve been inadvertently preparing myself for this for weeks now. I fully understand what fructose can do to me, and I definitely know the alternatives if I don’t curb my habits now. I’ve prepared multiple lists of fructose free snacks and know many alternatives to tweak meals that would otherwise require sugar laden ingredients. I've designed kicking sugar to work for me. I know cold turkey is the best approach for me.

I’m not freaking out, and I’m trying not to make a big deal about it (although this blog might be a bit indulgent), I’m just quietly and calmly cutting out sugar.

For the most part, I’m very excited to defeat my addiction and to start reaping the benefits- I've never met sugar-free Erin before. I hope she's nice.